Ryoko Wins Tenchi For the Umpteen-Billionth Time
by Davner
Summary: The Tenchi cast do their next Ryoko-Gets-Tenchi fic.


Disclaimer: Tenchi Muyo is the property of AIC and Pioneer LDC.   
The author owns only the writing. This fic is for all you writers   
and readers out there who are sick of the same o'l, same o'l time   
after time after time after time after time after...........  
  
  
  
  
Ryoko Wins Tenchi For the Umpteen-Billionth Time.  
  
  
"Okay, guys, here we go again," Tenchi said, reading over   
the new script. "Same deal as before, only this time, Aeka, you   
have a giant axe instead of a scythe, got it?"  
  
Aeka tried to drag the massive battle axe behind her, but   
the blade was too heavy and dragged along the ground behind her.   
"Oomph...Tenchi, can't we...Ooomph! Can't we use something a bit   
lighter? I can't even lift this thing!"  
  
"Sorry, Aeka, the script says you have to be a psychopath   
with an axe." Tenchi looked down at his script. "Okay, where's   
Mihoshi?"  
  
"Over there," Ryoko told him, pointing.   
  
Tenchi blinked and turned, looking at where Mihoshi was   
sitting. The blonde GP detective sat in a motorized wheelchair,   
an ECG monitor beeping steadily next to her as she drooled,   
slack-jawed and staring off into space.  
  
"Ouch," Tenchi remarked. "The author was definitely not a   
member of KOME..." He turned back to the script. "Okay, Sasami,   
you have a line..."  
  
In the kitchen, Sasami turned towards the living room,   
tears in her eyes. "No! I'm not saying it! Not again!"  
  
"Sasami, say your line," Aeka prompted.  
  
"Sister! I hate that line! It's so hurtful and mean!"  
  
"It's all for the fic, Sasami. I don't like it, either, but   
you have to say it."  
  
Sasami sighed. "Fine." She cleared her throat and shouted   
into the living room, "AEKA! I HATE YOU! I WISH YOU'D DIE!   
JUST DIE! DIE! DIE, YOU WHORE BITCH! DIE! DIE! DIE!"  
  
Silence.  
  
"Sasami, you forgot one," Ryoko called out.  
  
The blue-haired princess sighed. "DIE!" she called out.   
From the next room, she heard applause.  
  
"Very good, Sasami," Aeka called to her.  
  
"Okay, now, Sasami, you have to cook something," Tenchi   
called to her.  
  
"THERE'S NOTHING LEFT!" Sasami cried in exasperation. "I've   
cooked *EVERYTHING*! The fridge is empty, and the only things left   
in the cupboard is a box of baking soda and that old roach motel!"  
  
"You have to cook, Sasami. The script says so."  
  
Sasami sighed. "Yes, Tenchi." She looked around for a   
moment, then picked up the dish sponge and tossed it on the grill.   
It hissed and began to burn. She poked it with a fork and sighed   
again.  
  
"Okay," Tenchi said, checking the script. He turned to   
Ryoko. "Ryoko...I love you. Let's get married and have wild   
freaky sex." He paused. "And...cue Aeka..."  
  
"Tenchi! Ooomph!" she cried as she tried valiantly to lift   
the battle axe. "I will...oomph! Destroy....ooomph! Both   
of...ooomph! You....ooomph! Okay! Cut! We have *got* to talk   
to a prop man!"  
  
"Aeka, what's the problem?" Tenchi asked. "This is where   
you attack Ryoko and me for no reason."  
  
"I know! But how am I suppose to act with this thing!?"   
She raised the handle of the axe off the ground in emphasis.   
"It weighs a ton! What's wrong with a Glock!? It's small!   
Compact! It fits my hand!" She made a gun with her finger and   
pointed at Tenchi and Ryoko. "Bang! Bang! My scene's done!   
What's wrong with that?!"  
  
"Aeka, we really don't have time for your bitching, today,"   
Ryoko said. "Can we please just get this damn thing done so I can   
go take a shower?"  
  
Tenchi sighed. "Okay, now Kiyone says something..."  
  
Kiyone sat on the bottom stair, her face buried in her hands.   
"No...I will not...There is no way that one person can bitch *this   
much*!"  
  
"Kiyone..." Tenchi began.  
  
"NO! I'm out of stuff to complain about! I won't do it!"  
  
"Please, Kiyone," Aeka asked. "We hate fics like this just   
as much as you do, but the sooner we do it and get it done, the   
sooner we can work on something *good*."  
  
Kiyone sighed. "Fine." She looked around for a moment and   
pointed. "These curtains are too blue!" She turned to Mihoshi,   
still in her wheelchair, drool running down her chin. "What did   
you do to these curtains, Mihoshi!? This is all your fault   
Mihoshi! The world is going to stop spinning because of you,   
Mihoshi!"  
  
Suddenly, the blonde GP stood up out of her chair and wiped   
the drool off her face. "Oh, fuck this, I am out of here!" With   
that, Mihoshi stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind   
her with a crash.  
  
Tenchi checked the script. "Okay, Aeka, it goes back to you   
again."  
  
Aeka checked her copy of the script. "It says here I'm   
supposed to morph into an eighty foot, giant, fire-breathing beast   
of evil.............................Okay, now how exactly do I do   
that?"  
  
Silence.  
  
"Jesus fucking Christ," Aeka muttered, rubbing her temples.  
  
"Okay, okay!" Tenchi said. "Let's just skip to the next   
scene." He turned the page. "Ryoko and I have freaky sex."  
  
"Again?!" Ryoko asked.  
  
"What do you mean by that?" Tenchi asked.  
  
Ryoko took a hesitant breath. "Tenchi, I love you and all,   
but we've done it thirteen hundred times! It was okay the first   
three or four times, but after that it just got redundant."  
  
"What?!"  
  
Ryoko rubbed her temples. "Okay, let me put it this way....  
Yes...yes....YES! OH GOD! OH GOD, YES! YES! YESYESYES!   
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!" She looked up and asked dead pan. "Got a   
cigarette?"  
  
Tenchi blinked in shock. "YOU FAKED?!"  
  
"You would too!" Ryoko cried, tears in her eyes. "My God!   
Can't we *talk* or something, at least! Why won't these fic authors   
give us a *real* relationship or something?! No! Instead, I have   
to kill Aeka, and then you and me go at it! Dammit! I'm a woman,   
not some fucking circus elephant!"  
  
Suddenly, a voice called down from the heavens. "GET THEE   
TO WORK, YE SLACKERS!"  
  
"Kami sama?!" Tenchi breathed in disbelief.   
  
"NO! THIS IS THE AUTHOR! YOU HAVE TWENTY MORE RYOKO GETS   
TENCHI FICS TO DO AFTER THIS ONE, SO GET BACK TO WORK!"  
  
The Tenchi gang screamed.  
  
  
  
  
Send C&C to doscher009@hotmail.com  



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